Rehab Personalities
(Air: Sammy Morgan’s Gin)

Take a moment kindly listen if you will
I’ll tell you about a place in Pleasantville
Rehab. Centre is the spot
Where they serve meals piping hot
Mrs. Picco, Mrs. Squires sure cook with skill

From the past I saw a ghost today I did
His name is William Burke, Billy the Kid
Young Paul Chapman in Rehab
Is only 3 but can he gab
He can talk so much he’d make you flip your lid

Now there’s Jimmy Russell too whose only three
I say ‘Hi’ to you, now Jim say ‘Hi’ to me
Don’t know where Gavin White is from
But he is like an atom bomb
Because he uses up all kinds of energy

Mary Stride is 6 years old and in her glory
When comes the time that can tell a story
Whether dinosaurs or whales
And puts in the details even if they’re gory (Ooie Gooie)

To entertain you, talent we did bring here
But I notice you have your own little swinger
Sheila Wheeler does her thing
When she gets a chance to sing
We’re so glad you have a swinger who’s a singer

There is someone here who’s always asking why
She is 6 ½ years and not too shy
Brenda Osmond is her name
All you have to do is answer her, or try

Jimmy Colbert is 5 and ½ years old
And really this guy has a heart of gold
You won’t have too long to wait
To hear young Jim exaggerate
But he’s so convincing he will have you sold

Miss Joanne McDonald next takes our attention
There are lots of things about her we could mention
But the surest thing of all
She’s quick witted, on the ball
And the staff says this, it’s not just contention

There’s a lady on the staff, a dietitian
Who by name is in a curious position
Mrs. Parrott I have heard
When she gives someone the bird
Does so with a finger lickin’ disposition

Now Miss Briffitt and Miss Kelly do the nursing
And John Breen, the accountant, the dispersing
Mr. Tizzard’s here as well
To him all your problems tell
As a social worker he enjoys conversing

All the guests and staff alike speak of someone
Who is quite a guy and always lots of fun
He washes wall and floor
Who? Your friendly Janitor
He’s a friend to all, it’s Kevin Somerton

The Knights of Columbus grant today your wish
A magician who can change things with a swish
Lovely ladies here to sing
And a clown to do his thing
And Hal Earle, who’s playing now, and my name’s Nish.

Nish Collins
April 29, 1973